Earthlight Magazine / Books / Home
Copyright © 1997 by Carolyn Stearns
All rights reserved. Inquiries should be addressed to
Twelve Star Publishing, P.O. Box 123, Jefferson, MD 21755
Earthlight Magazine / Books
/ Home
Copyright © 1997 by Carolyn Stearns
All rights reserved. Inquiries should be addressed to
Twelve Star Publishing, P.O. Box 123, Jefferson, MD 21755
Death will come for each of us one day. When it does, will
you be ready?
If you are, readiness may be your greatest gift to yourself and
those you love.
Have you talked about your death with yourself?
Have you talked about your death with another person?
Have you made your wishes about death and dying known to your loved ones?
Are you clear about what actions you want taken or not taken on your behalf during your final days?
Have you made out a living will?
Have you succeeded in releasing fear when you think about dying?
Most of us strenuously avoid thinking about death, so it would
be surprising if you answered yes to even one of the questions
above. In our society the majority of people believe one way or
another that death is a catastrophe, a failure, an end of the
line. I have never heard a physician, a therapist, or a minister
suggest that death is a form of healing (radical idea!) or that
each of us has the power to choose the kind of death we want.
For years I was afraid that death might come before I was ready.
Then one day I asked: who is going to teach me the skills I need
to create a peaceful and dignified death; to help me choose my
path to death? No one.
To lessen my anxiety, I began to teach myself. I reviewed my beliefs
about dying, death and life after death. In the process I learned
that fear of dying is a wasteful expenditure of energy. Fear causes
me to contract. It makes me tighten. Fear has the power to keep
me encased in my physical self long after my body ceases to be
of service to me. Fearfulness causes me to fight for life at a
time when I need all my energy to help me let go.
I had to teach myself to release this fear.
The steps I took, you too can take, if you want to face your death
fearlessly.
1. Pick a buddy, maybe your partner in life, maybe not. Pick someone
you can talk with about dying, death and what you believe follows.
Be clear with your buddy about what you want and who you want
with you when you are dying. Be clear about what you want these
people to do to assist you in dying.
Write down your thoughts. Give your buddy and everyone involved,
loved ones and/or close friends, a copy of your wishes. Then,
when death comes for you, you'll be ready. In the meantime, you
will be free to embrace life with greater enthusiasm and energy.
2. Review all your beliefs about death and dying -- make a list
-- and then throw out the beliefs that make you anxious. Create
as many new beliefs as you need so you are no longer fearful when
you think about death. The belief system you create must have
the power to assure you daily that death is simply the second
of the two most sacred and inevitable transitions; that dying
need not be hard and that life after death brings ultimate freedom.
Here is one of my old beliefs that I have discarded:
Death means life is over. That belief really scared me for years.
My new belief is Death is a transition in the course of life.
I am instantly soothed. I cannot substantiate this idea as fact.
I don't try. It doesn't matter. I now have a belief that helps
me let go of fear.
Do whatever is necessary to help you recognize dying as a supreme
adventure of the spirit and death as your friend. This is possible
if you have a belief system in place before illness or accident
befalls you or someone you love. You want beliefs that will bring
you courage if you need courage; comfort if you need comfort.
Beliefs that work for one person frequently don't work for another.
It is unlikely any one person or one book or one religion will
have all the answers you need to help you find peace. That is
why you need to look inward for answers.
If you find yourself procrastinating when it comes to choosing
the kind of death you want, know that you are not alone. Know
you will need to attend to this issue eventually. The question
is: when and how?
Carolyn Stearns is the author of the new book SPIRIT-WALKING.
To obtain a copy, send $10 to IM Press, P.O. Box 5346, Takoma
Park, MD 20913-5346.